(by Jules Bruff)

I woke up. Literally and figuratively, one morning I awoke determined to face my personal battle with Depression.  Having been diagnosed with clinical Depression when I was 20, I have alternately felt: confused, angry, embarrassed, sad, responsible, hopeless,  ashamed, and alone.  I lived within that world of emotions, living with my Depression without reaching out for information or a community. I kept my diagnosis and my experience close to my chest.  My nuclear family and a only a very select few friends knew about my problem, but only what I felt comfortable telling them. I never let anyone into the heart of my very real illness. I was in denial and I was mad as Hell. Mad at myself for being sick, mad at the world for allowing me to be sick! Part of the denial was my acute fear that I was “crazy”.  And then there is the classic excuse. “If I admit the problem then I’ll have to deal with it.  Its best to sweep it under the rug.” The day that I woke up and chose to fight this disease, something innately had changed within my system.  I felt the anger, which for years had been turned inward towards myself and outward towards a falliable world, begin to dissapate and grow into an emerging acceptance and a peaceful resolve. That morning transformed my journey as   I accepted I had a real disease and I resolved to learn how to manage it. Since then this question has been churning away in my heart and in my mind: is Depression nature or nurture?  Was I born with this chemical imbalance or is this disease learned behavior? And since when can a disease be learned behavior?  I haven’t figured out the answer yet and I am not sure there is one absolute answer that applies universally. The crux of this quest  and what I have discovered is this indelible truth. . .  it isn’t my fault.  There are many actions I can take to help manage this elusive thing called Depression: exercise, balanced and healthy diet, fresh air, talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, yoga, acupuncture, and psychotropic medications among other things.  If I can’t make myself do any of the above I am able to find solace, now, in the fact that my Depression does pass; that good days and beautiful memories and a fabulous life can occur even as a Depression sufferer. I hope our film, PART TIME FABULOUS, will help illuminate what it can be like to live with clinical Depression.  Once you’ve seen it, please spread the word.  In making this film I discovered that most people I spoke with had a family member or friend whose life had been adversely affected by Depression.  I want to spread the word:  Depression isn’t your fault, nor should you be ashamed of it…help is available.